Your Family May Hold Your Research Answer
- Kim Richardson
- Nov 10
- 5 min read
... but they may not realize it.
Have you ever felt stuck in your genealogy research? You’ve scoured records, visited archives, and pored over documents, yet the answer to your question remains elusive. But what if the information you’re seeking isn’t hidden in a courthouse file or an online database? What if it’s been sitting with a family member all along—waiting for the right questions to bring it to light?
Many times, the key to solving your toughest genealogy mysteries lies within the memories and stories of your relatives. But here’s the catch: they often don’t realize what they know is important. They aren’t genealogists. They don’t think in terms of evidence, connections, or patterns. To them, a snippet of information might seem ordinary, but to you, it could be the missing puzzle piece you’ve been searching for.
The solution? You must interview them—really interview them. Not just a casual “Do you know anything about this?” but a guided conversation that encourages them to share their memories, stories, and observations. When done effectively, these interviews can uncover invaluable details that no record could ever reveal.
Why Interviews Are Essential
Family members are living repositories of history. They’ve witnessed events, heard stories, and perhaps even inherited keepsakes or documents you don’t know about. While they may not consider themselves historians, their memories and belongings are filled with potential clues about your ancestors.
The challenge is that these clues are often buried beneath layers of unrelated memories or overshadowed by what your relatives assume is “not important.” By thoughtfully interviewing your family members, you can connect the dots and extract those hidden pieces.
Why “Do You Know Anything About This?” Isn’t Enough
When you ask a relative, “Do you know anything about this?” the answer is often a simple “no.” That’s because most people aren’t primed to recall information they don’t see as relevant. They may not connect your ancestor’s name to the stories they’ve heard or realize that the seemingly trivial details they remember are exactly what you’re looking for.
For example, you might ask, “Do you know anything about Great-Grandma Mary’s life before she got married?” and receive a blank stare. But if you ask, “Did anyone ever talk about where Mary lived when she was young? Did she ever tell stories about her parents or siblings?” you might spark a memory of a long-forgotten anecdote.
The goal is to help your relatives access their memories by prompting them with specific, open-ended questions.
Preparing for the Interview
Before you start asking questions, it’s essential to prepare. A successful interview doesn’t happen by accident—it requires planning, patience, and a clear strategy. Here’s how to get started:
1. Identify Your Research Questions
What do you want to learn? Be specific about the ancestor or topic you’re investigating. For example:
Where did Great-Grandma Mary live before she got married?
Who were her siblings, and what happened to them?
Why did the family move to another state in the 1930s?
Having clear objectives will help you guide the conversation and stay focused.
2. Choose the Right Relative
Think about which family member might have the most knowledge or connection to the ancestor you’re researching. It could be an older relative who knew them personally, or someone who has inherited family stories, photographs, or heirlooms.
3. Prepare Your Questions
Craft open-ended questions that encourage storytelling. Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” For example:
“What was your childhood like? Did your parents or grandparents ever talk about their childhoods?”
“Do you remember any family traditions or special events?”
“Who were some of the people your family spent time with when you were young?”
4. Bring Tools for Recording
Take detailed notes during the interview, but also consider recording it (with your relative’s permission). This ensures you capture everything accurately and allows you to focus on the conversation.
Conducting the Interview
Once you’ve prepared, it’s time to talk with your relative. Here are some tips to help you get the most out of your conversation:
1. Start with Warm-Up Questions
Begin with light, easy questions. Maybe ask about their own childhood or favorite memories. This will help them relax. It will also build rapport and get the conversation flowing.
2. Listen Actively
Pay close attention to what your relative says, and be prepared to follow up on the interesting details. If they mention a name, place, or event, ask more about it: “Tell me more about Aunt Nida’s trip to California. Do you know why she went?”
3. Look for Clues in the Details
Your relative might mention small details that seem unrelated but could be significant. For example, they might recall that “Grandpa always talked about a train station in St. Louis.” That could hint at a migration route or travel pattern or a job away from home.
4. Encourage Storytelling
Stories often give us the best clues. If your relative starts telling a story, let them talk—even if it seems unrelated to your question. You never know what details might emerge.
5. Be Patient and Flexible
Some memories may take time to surface. Don’t rush or pressure your relative. If they can’t recall something right away, move on to another topic and circle back later. And follow up in a few days if they are open to it. People often think of things AFTER they talk with you.
Analyzing the Information
After the interview, review and analyze what you’ve learned. Here’s how to make the most of the information:
1. Transcribe and Organize Your Notes
Go through your notes or recordings and transcribe key points. Organize the information by topic or ancestor for easy reference.
2. Compare with Existing Research
Look for connections between what your relative shared and the records you’ve already found. Do their memories confirm or contradict what you know?
3. Follow Up with New Questions
If new clues emerged during the interview, follow up with additional research or another conversation.
Real-Life Success Stories
To illustrate the power of interviewing family members, here are a couple of examples:
The Family Bible Breakthrough:
I was stuck on a brick wall involving my three times great-grandfather. After meeting and interviewing some distant cousins, I learned that one uncle in the family had a house fire. He was a pastor and was saddened that his Bible with family names and birthdates was lost. Typically, that would be the end of the conversation. But I asked if anyone remembered anything that the Bible said. They did! Plus, they then offered that it had been transcribed to give a copy to a cousin. Wow! That information helped break down a big brick wall!
Uncovering the Migration Path:
When I asked why a family moved across the state and later returned, I learned that they owned a local store. The store was destroyed during a flood. They lost everything and had to leave to live with family while they got back on their feet. Mystery solved AND a couple of other avenues to find out even more about them and their lives! Just by asking a follow up of "why?"
Your family members are an untapped resource, brimming with stories and memories that could unlock the answers to your toughest genealogy questions. By taking the time to thoughtfully interview them, you can uncover hidden clues, resolve mysteries, and deepen your understanding of your ancestors’ lives.
Remember: it’s not just about asking questions—it’s about creating a conversation that helps your relatives share what they know. With patience, preparation, and the right approach, you’ll be amazed at what you can discover.
So, pick up the phone, schedule a visit, and start uncovering those family stories. The answers you’ve been searching for might be closer than you think.
Need more help with a brick wall? Check out the Brick Wall Buster Cards today!
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